Wednesday, June 13, 2012


Many, many times I have attempted to lose weight. Mostly by diet; occasionally by walking, working out to the Wii Fitness… but none of it ever REALLY worked for me. The diet doesn’t really work because I’m not a big eater – I am a big COKE addict though – as in Coca-Cola! [Back to the diet thing...] I usually have to remind myself to eat. I used to never eat breakfast, but my meds demand I eat breakfast or be sick all day. Usually, if I ate lunch, I wouldn’t eat dinner. Why? Just wouldn’t be hungry. And of course, I would rather sip on a coke all evening than eat. That’s the real truth. Well, the real truth is I would probably just drink coke all day and never eat anything if I didn’t care about trying to be somewhat healthy… [Real truth right there!] Anyhow, for the few past years or so, I’ve been making myself eat 2 meals, and as often as I can force myself, 3 meals a day. I’m a night junkie. I would much rather have a bowl of ice cream, plate of warm cookies, or some yummy kettle corn at night when I’m watching TV. For the past month, almost 2 months, I’ve restricted my night time eating to only once a week. YIKES! Harder than I thought. But I’m doing it. Have I lost any weight ridding myself of my empty night-time calories? Not a one! That’s right, not one single pound!! I could say, ‘well, since it hasn’t helped then I can continue…’ which is what I probably would have done in the past. But the real truth [here we go again!] is that though it hasn’t helped me from losing any weight – my weight incline has finally stopped. PHEW! I’ve been wondering if it was ever going to stop climbing the fat hill. Since my hip surgery in February, I have gained right at 20 pounds. It’s only been 17 weeks since my surgery – that’s more than a pound a week. AND! I’ve been going to the gym seeing a personal trainer 3 times a week, for the past 3 weeks, so that’s really 20 pounds in 14 weeks!!!! Though I have not lost any weight in the past week, I have thankfully not gained a single pound! YEE-HAW!! I was a little disappointed that I haven’t lost any, but as the trainer explained to me [ – a note here: we are starting from ground zero as I have VERY minimal muscle in this body – REAL TRUTH!!!] when we sprain an ankle what happens? It swells up of course. Why? It’s the body’s way of trying to heal and protect by filling the injured muscles with fluid. And every, let me repeat, EVERY muscle fiber in this body has been injured trying to gain strength. I cannot believe I am about to type this [we’ll see if I leave it and don’t delete this!] I am 45 years old, I have had an appendectomy, hysterectomy, gall bladder removed, shoulder surgery and hip surgery [not to mention 3 pregnancies – only 2 kids], I am 5’- 3 ½”, and I weigh………………….217 pounds… Unacceptable. Unhealthy. Uncontrollable. But not UNDOABLE. I am going to undo this. I am going to fix this. The hip surgery probably would never have been needed if I would have been doing what I am doing now 10 years ago. Probably the same for my gall bladder and shoulder. This body was not made to be so overweight. So morbidly obese. My BMI is scary. So after many, many failed attempts – and not ever really being dedicated to the thought process – I have finally changed my thinking and my way of living. I am working out! REAL TRUTH!! Am I enjoying it? Everyone said, “oh you’ll love working out!” “It makes you feel so good!” I’m still waiting for the love and the good feelings. Because of my lifelong bad terrible habits, I am paying the price – repentance – I have to do a lot of foundational work before I can even hope for results. My balance is horrible. Because of being overweight. I haven’t’ been able to stand on one foot for more than a second in a few years – because my body is not steady – its gobby fat. YUCK! So my personal trainer and I are working to gain balance and strength FIRST by waking up what muscle I have and reminding the muscles what they are there for. I have suffered pain from my neck to the arches of my feet! REAL TRUTH!! I told you every muscle fiber has been injured! And the way I was explained is that by working the muscle [injuring it, so to speak] it will heal stronger. And every time I do this, I am making my muscles stronger – the fibers knit tighter together each time as a protection… so I’m knitting my muscles! :D Because I’ve babied my deteriorating joints for so many years, I have suffered much muscle loss. But I can get a lot of it back. Never like when I was my healthiest, but I can gain muscle back, which I think is a blessing I never realized until now.

1 comment:

Vicky said...

You are a brave woman and you are all starts with the thought process. I also see that when I work out regularly, I desire to eat healthier foods and lose my cravings for the junk food. It seems to go hand in hand.