Thursday, June 14, 2012


So now that I have gone public with my weight [REAL TRUTH WEIGHT!!], I have to be even more accountable to myself. I don’t want to ever be considered a liar – so I must keep this up. Plus, I’ve signed a one year contract to get in shape with my personal trainer. [That sounds so Hollywood – my personal trainer!] I don’t have a real goal weight. My goal is to be stronger, have endurance and be able to stand on my own two feet or one, if I choose! :D

Okay, now the REAL TRUTH of what brought this about… I’m so humiliated… First admitting my weight to you, and now this…

A month ago, I wanted to work with my husband outside – he’s so good and always does things with me inside, I wanted to give rather than take for a change – so we’re on the back of our property cleaning. It’s wooded with thousands of volunteer trees, weeds, and vines that travel the tree tops from the ground up. It happened to be in the 90’s this particular day and very humid. Very hot for an early May spring day. I’m cutting small volunteers down and piling our cuttings; everything’s going good. He starts a fire to burn some of the debris that we’ve accumulated. [Did I mention this is all wooded? Not much air moving it’s so thick with growth.] I began pulling on a particularly stubborn vine that was as big around as a shovel handle and this vine is coming down from 4 different trees that I could tell. I really thought the vine was going to win the tug of war. I’m swinging all my body weight from it at one time [only for a second, maybe two, because let’s face it – that’s a lot of weight for a weakling to hold up!!] I finally won the tug of war after about 10 minutes - I think it was at least an hour or two, but Hubby says, ‘naw, about 10 minutes – maybe a minute or two less…’ Humph! I’m sure it was more of a battle than that – I was plum tuckered out!! Anyhow – boy I digress so badly!! – he’s burning the debris, I’m huffing and puffing with my near loss to a vine, and I’m taking a break to catch my breath. I really did think the vine was going to just come down and whip my tater!
After a few minutes – give or take 10 or so minutes here or there :D – I think I’ve got my breath back, so I’ll start helping Hubby with the burning. I’m putting limbs in the fire and thinking I’m not breathing very well. So I go off to another spot and start trimming tree branches where there’s no smoke and a bit of a breeze. I’m feeling good. [As good as one can when it’s 93* degrees out & working ones buns off!] After 15-20 minutes, I take a pile of my debris over near the fire for Hubby and I can’t breathe AGAIN… So I walk away and catch my breath, again. I go to start trimming another tree but I can only take in a little whiff of air. I can’t talk to get Hubby’s attention, but he sees me go to my knees and runs over – he loves me, ya know! He helps me walk about 25 feet to our 4-wheeler. I sit down on the rear rack – he tries to drive me back to the house this way. What was he thinking!!! Even if I could have breathed I would not have wanted to ride on the rear rack!!! Men! [I digress again…] He doesn’t go far and I’m on the ground – no strength or energy to hold on and I’m gasping air. He runs to the house, gets the truck, drives it down near me, helps me get in and parks in the shade. Air is going full blast in my face and I’m feeling this is working. Meanwhile, the neighbor called, “Hey, I’m broke down on my 4-wheeler, can you pull me home?” Well, of course, I feel silly for tying my sweet Hubby up with this nonsense and tell him to go on, I’ll be fine. After saying this four or five times, he gets out of the truck and gets on our 4-wheeler, but doesn’t leave. I’m a little frustrated now; my humiliation is growing the more he sits there staring at me. So I wave him on – several times – before he leaves. He isn’t gone 2 minutes and I start gasping for breath. I really was thinking I was going to die! I call his cell phone, but I can’t say anything for sucking in air. He hears me though and after a couple of more minutes he comes speeding back into the yard. Jumps in the truck and drives me to the fire department, which is only a mile away. I’m just wishing at this point that I could crawl into a hole and die by myself. I hate being seen in such a weak state by anyone. Even dear Hubby.
The diagnosis? I was hyperventilating. Yep, I was hyperventilating. Hyperventilating of all things! My BP was extremely high but my oxygen was just fine –that ruled out an asthma attack. I asked myself for several days why that happened… It wasn’t brought on by an anxiety attack [they said that’s usually why it happens], so then why did that happen? My only conclusion is that I never fully recovered my breath and was pushing myself to keep up with my Hubby, THE Man of Endurance! And since I couldn’t, it was hot, my heart was beating too fast [I was pushing it too hard] it all just said ENOUGH! YOU CAN’T DO THIS! And I think that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard said to me. “You can’t do this.” When I really wanted to. I thought about all the many other things I’ve wanted to do. [The list is lengthy. Maybe one day I’ll share my bucket list with you.] But the final slap in this face was this realization of not being able to do those things I wanted to do because I have allowed myself to become weak and fat.

On Tuesday, May 29th, I gathered my courage and called the nearest gym to my work [taking away all excuses I could by choosing this one, downer to choosing this one: it's better known as UNIVERSITY because all the college kids go to this one – YUCK!] I went that evening, met with the director of personal training, met my trainer, and signed away 3 nights a week of my life for the next year to become a stronger healthier me. That’s 156 training sessions. That’s 43% of my evenings spent in a gym for the next year. That’s 4,680 minutes of working out to a better me! :D Let’s not forget the warm-up and cool-down times! That’s another 9,360 minutes! A total of 23,400 minutes spent in a gym for the next year. MINIMUM!! [I’m told that as time goes by I’ll “WANT” to go more often!!! Ah! Ha! Ha! That is just hilarious!!! So funny! I told my trainer and his director I thought they did very good stand-up comedy!] I’ve endured 8 of those sessions so far. ENDURED! Did you read that? I’ve ENDURED 8 of those sessions. I started them and I FINSIHED them! WOO-HOO!! My trainer is so good about pushing me when I want to give up – this is why I am paying for a PT – I would give up QUICKLY on my own. He’s very good about praising me for the things I’ve accomplished and keeping me motivated. I just wish he’d give up his love affair with planks and push-ups! Who knew there were so many ways to do planks and push-ups? Not me, certainly. Very good core training – not like the ones kids do for fun – real planks! OUCH!!! But I’m stronger this week than the first week! YES!! No weight loss – I was told not to expect any at first because I’m gaining muscle. MUSCLES!! I can’t wait until the turkey wings are gone from my arms! My waist is a waist again! My butt is no longer the biggest thing on me! I can climb stairs without fear of my knees giving out on me! I can get up and down from the floor without looking like I’m 90! Or even dreading it! I can’t wait for the moment my Hubby looks to me and says ‘aren’t you ready for a break yet!’ :D Oh, yes!! Bring on this healthier and stronger ME!!

1 comment:

Vicky said...

I'm catching up on your blog going backwards! Oh my gosh! That was dramatic and I know how I get when I feel I can't breathe. So proud of you for getting on this!